“I Can’t Breathe.”

I can’t breathe. 

Those final words said by Eric Garner in 2014, as he was forcefully restrained and killed by New York police officers, have been heard again. Some people falsely thought that society had made progress because just 6-years prior, the world saw the first black President and First Lady elected to the White House. Let’s fast forward to May 25, 2020. The same words were heard again as video footage shows that four police officers pinned George Floyd, a black man, to the ground and lynched him to death.

The video runs more than 7 minutes showing an unarmed and shackled black man pleading for his life under the abuse of a white man in power – an experience all too familiar to a community forced into slavery more than 400 years ago. As he pleads in pain and says the words “I can’t breathe,” a mob of 3 other police officers stand unbothered as Floyd’s life was ended. What was true in 1619 when the first boats with African slaves arrived in America, continues to be true today. The United States of America, like many other countries around the world, including Canada, is an occupied nation that falsely claims that the right to liberty and equal opportunity is for all.

I continue to be traumatized by video footage of a human being abused and murdered because of his skin colour. As I read more about this story, one moment especially stood out to me. Floyd’s friend Stephen Jackson, a former NBA player, said, “The difference between me and bro was that I had more opportunity than he did.” I began thinking about what opportunity meant and looked like in the world that I live in.

As a woman of colour, I have experienced racism – both direct acts of discrimination and subtle ones, as well as intentional and subconscious predatory behaviour. These moments were most evident when I finally reached a career milestone that I had been after for 6-years – management. This was an opportunity that I had meticulously planned for and worked towards. I knew that management in the Ontario Public Service was mostly white. I also knew that I would likely have to work harder than others and project myself to be more confident in rooms that were unwelcoming to me.

I thought my work ethic would speak for itself. I thought my good work would drown out the barriers and discrimination that I would face, but it never did. Everyone was happy to accept the successes and quality work that I delivered, but rarely stepped in to stand up for me or call out discriminatory behaviour directed at me. I was left to stand up for myself and manage my own mental well-being against discrimination. It was so mentally, emotionally, and spiritually exhausting. While I could never know what it is like to be a black man or woman, I imagine that it is far more exhausting and painful than my lived experiences.

A friend recently asked me to help edit his essay for graduate school. I know him as an adventurous, life-loving, intelligent black man. He told me that the prestigious ivy-league school he attended was allowing students to submit their essays anonymously. This would ensure that professors did not know whose essay they were grading. He also shared that he took extra measures to remove examples that might give away his identity. He had already experienced the impact of negative bias at the University and feared it would continue. When a black person tells you that there is negative bias against them, you believe them and know that their experience is likely more painful than what they are sharing.

The opportunity of graduate school is limited for people of colour. During my convocation for my master’s degree, I counted the number of non-white graduates on both of my hands. As I thought about George Floyd’s death and my friend’s experience in graduate school, I began to clearly see more examples of how the system is set up to maintain the status quo, keep power in the hands of some, and amplify white privilege.

Most graduate school programs require 3 references from professors who can speak to your abilities as part of the application process. But what happens when you can’t find 3 professors who will provide you with unbiased references? Most hiring managers ask for 3 references from previous employers. But what happens if you can’t find 3 past employers who will give you unbiased recommendations? And what happens to people when they can’t get opportunities?

Eric Garner and George Floyd’s last words, “I can’t breathe”, is about more than just a cry for oxygen. It is a cry for equal opportunity, fairness, and rest.